Tag Archives: it is for the parents

It’s not for the baby, it’s for mom and dad

The daddy tips and general first time parenting advice keep rolling in as the due date fast approaches.  These well intended tidbits are coming from all directions and provide different perspectives to what the near future holds in store.  With all these pieces of information coming in and all the things that come from reading about parenting and first time fathers, there’s really no way to get a clear picture on what to expect.

The one consistent theme is that everything that will have to be done, to be given up, to be endured, and to downright just be survived will all be worth it since ‘it’ll all be for the baby’.  These things basically sound like this:

Oh, you’ll never sleep again.  But it’s ok since it’s really for the baby!

You should really start spending less today and start saving for the baby.

Yeah man, you’re never going out again since you’ll have to be there for the baby.  See you in 18 years.

Get used to having poo on your hands.  It’s gross, but it’s ok since it’s for the baby.

And on and on these examples could go, but that’s the general picture.

Well even though this theme of ‘it’s all for the baby’ is about the only consistent thing I’ve heard, I’m going to have to disagree.  It’s not fair to the baby.  He did nothing to ask for this.  In fact, all of this is really for me and my wife.  We are the ones who wanted a baby; the baby didn’t ask to be ours.  We are the ones who wanted to grow our family and pass on to the next generation, not the baby.  When we decided to conceive, we were well aware of all the things we’d have to give up and the changes we’d have to make to be good parents.  In short, we’re well aware of the things that we’ve brought upon ourselves.  The last thing we want is to get into a mindset that our son owes us something for the things we will do ‘for the baby’.  That’s not the way to start the relationship.  Imagine the kind of pressure that comes with being told by the two people you (hopefully) love most telling you that they made such sacrifices, all on account of you.  No way will we put our son in that position.  Everything we do and give will be done and given freely, with no expectations for any kind of return.

So future son, know that all that your mother and I willingly brought upon ourselves all the things we will have to do.  There is no responsibility on your part for the sacrifices we will be making.  There’s nothing for you to fulfill.  Just having you around will be enough reward.  I just hope one day you will tell us how much you appreciate the things we’ve done, for you.  That would be just awesome.

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